20260113
4:15 excited for the 5 am joy so I inhaled up immediately
Recently back into rhythm of routine
Disappointed I did not have enough worship wake bake dancing time before the joy of seeing sunrise yesterday
I talked with DatMike last night for 3 hours
I felt over shared Mary’s situation
The responses and questions from DatMike
Made me feel like I was misrepresenting her spirit
I found myself defending her honor
(new to recognizing the sensation)
**snatched step into memory reenactment
Recall every sensory Feeling
Time travel
**
That I muddied up to begin with
**snatched graced with grace
Shame of over sharing story released
By praying for guidance
By replaying the story to God
And pleading my case
The Accuser’s statement
Should not have brought her up at all
My plead statement
It was natural/organic
It was on topic
It had a purpose of representing how I felt
It was a fact
It was in a safe space
It was confided in safe company
**
Distant indistinguishable echoes of Job’s bad friends’ advice
I was defensive already from conversation
Because of my holiday choice
And opinion/advice given
**snatched deny an itch
To know flesh vessel denial
To know flesh vessel rebellion
Recognize desires/urges to engage in physical activities (the instance that borned this thought: hunger for pizza and social acceptance at Japan planning session) that I confidently know the consequences (LP, risky barking spiders, social implications, stewardship of time)
Deny a thought of a red apple
Deny a thought of stubbing your toe
To know mind denial
To know mind rebellion
Recognize forgetfulness
Recognize derailing trains of thoughts
Recognize replaying fears
Recognize replaying of anger
To know your heart
***snatched raised by Family Matters
I was urkel…
Urked family
Who were who matter
An orphan
To the main characters
*iv*snatched snddng is who you are
Get up and walk
Wake up to the present
You merely forgot how to walk
You may not feel different
Like when you earned your driver’s license (mind/flesh)
And how it is a life changing identity
Capable logic and body
Find the heart/spirit of change
When you realize getting a driver’s license is difficult for other people because it is a privilege (age, study, sports, anxiety, cost, availability)
Nothing about the license has changed except your perception of it
It forms the perspective of the mind and flesh (comparison, envy, superiority, peace, joy)
Makes you feel either uplifted or downcast
You make it part of your identity
Why license Joy here now
Why appreciate what you have when you have it
Imagine given 10k and a jet ticket to your dream vacation
Taxied to the best restaurant
Taxied to your most luxurious (appropriate) entertainment
Imagine you ran out of money
How do you get around?
Driver’s license seems less of your idenity
Do you want to …be healed…I mean go back home?
How do you get back?
To the restaurant?
To the jet?
Imagine you woke up in the middle of the night confused and forgot you were traveling
Imagine you were sitting there now and suddenly realized you forgot how to stand up
Your mind and body can be fooled
Your heart will bring you home
Recognize current reality
You are not being hypnotized
You are not being sways by the waves and currents of the world
So long as your home bears spiritual fruits
Remember who you are
Remember who I am
Jsnkhnglm
Johnson Khuong Lam
And I thank
YHWH
*iv*
Moms sarcastically admonishes (heart voice)
Big brotherly advice (heart voice)
Sisters annoyed of mere presence (mind voice)
Infrequent aunty more often than not pleasantly welcoming (heart voice)
Other friends fit in better (mind voice)
Father was missing from my thoughts (missing heart voice)
Until I met my Heavenly father
***
Deny what brings your joy now
To know how your heart rebels
And recognize how you remember
Remember God
Remember Jesus
Remember Holy Spirit
202601230715
20251121
Blessed by ashnic86 during and after chosen bible study
Start right now by run51
20251116
Discern when to suffer in silence
How do I reconcile the painful words
How do I reconcile the accusations
If I was wrong I repent
If I was wronged then what
Then unconditionally love them
It hurts my spirit so much more than physical body
To be accused of the wrong character
Accused of lacking caring
Of lacking honesty
Of lacking trustworthiness
Of lacking good
Constantly have to prove it
Constantly have to say it
Constantly having to be constant
Until it kills me
Saw me
Yet accused me
Of being someone else
Taught me self care
20251115
Driving to friends giving to work Sendy
Just worshiping
Abba by John Pantera
I just want to walk in the cool of the day with simple affections of your heart
Lord God!
You just want a simple relationship of appreciation
I have never met anyone more. Appreciative your creation
No one that appreciates the beauty of the present
The colors and the Majesty of nature
20251111
20251101
Gummy, inhale, brush, squat, moisturize
Being gross
Evacuating nose sebaceous filament
** synonym for black head/white head/ not pimple gunk what is
Circular not scrub
Domino mind blow… 🔗
**
Thought about the cabinet filament collector
You are a fellow listener
You were not listened to growing up
You were accused of lying about the character you believe you had after a traumatic experience
Just like I was never trusted with doing things, anything, or be on my own, or following directions
** snatched sin sign crucify
Stern direction
Fear follows
Pause discern… 🔗
Alignment of goal
**
**snatched 21Q about your day
Ball on scale for every I do not know
Split centered ball drop hoppered scale
**
You are the best time traveler
Back to a better time and staying there mentally
Recognizing everything around her now
In nature now was good because not in bad memory
I was good at being stuck here and finding entertainment in the now
My curiosity pruned each time I asked to time travel
You are the queen of remembering the past
I am the king of traveling too far into the future
You are my anchor
I am your anchor
Same same
Seeking, listener
Seeking, care-er
Seeking, security
Seeking, comforter
Seeking, healing
Seeking, consistency
Seeking,
, = Jeremiah 29:13 – with all your heart a
Lift me up blessing offor
Little bird blessing offor
Flipbook presentation
Anchor Stone cotton floss ring
You are creative
Because you are so in the present
Not worrying about other things
202511102
Grace for both being a walking contradiction
I was in my norm
To not share about me
Because I am not worthy to be seen or known
I will not share unless asked to share
Because no one likes my opinion unless asked for
Trigger:
Moisturizing hair feels nice
Not overly stiff / controlling fingers
Head can participate
Reminds me of scratching Dang hair
Discovering without question
Imagine if she participated a bit
Or know that she completely surrendered to trusting me
Or know that she has control by say any word
I questioned her body with mine
I listened for the answer
She got the ice
She shared the good news of good moisturizer on the first day
I ask so many questions
Because I was not asked many questions
Maybe I had my feelings on my face
Maybe they tried to console
Maybe I did not recognize the consolation
Maybe they tried to console me the best they could
Maybe they consoled me the way they wanted to be consoled
Maybe they did not realize the consolation style was for them and I am….me
Sendy was perfectly fitting to my sore spot
She did not like asking me questions
Her pride said that she can figure everything out
Without asking me questions
She did not recognize how good I was hiding from people
I did not recognize how bad I was at hiding from people
She wanted to be seen and known
Without being questioned
She wanted to be invited into conversations
Without being forced into the conversation
Without direct questions
I wanted direct permission
So I do not feel embarrassed
For misinterpreting
If someone else is talking
I cannot be wrong
I could have shared more
Without prompting
Without fear of shame or anger
Especially when I felt misunderstood/represented
I did not know how to love
I did not know how to recognize love
I asked questions when I was curious
But my spirit of curiosity was cut short, down, smothered, snuffed, disarmed, asphyxiated
I did not know you can seek answers on your own
So I die
I shutdown
You learned to seek on your own
You learned to reduce your own answers with asking questions
Two spectrum opposite approaches to the same evil spirit of abandonment
The answer is somewhere between us
If we meet in the middle
We find joy
The middle is the Truth