LamMoving

Category: Uncategorized

  • Memories of love

    20251116

    As I am having the revelation of being good enough

  • Good enough

    20251116

    After fellowship with Chris Salsaviors

    Before writing my first post from the computer

    Took a couple of inviting breathes to God

    Took me to where my feelings were unlocked

    Took me to Sendy..

    Train kept going past the train station

    To dad and mom

    I resented mom for guilting dad

    My mom seemed pathetic to me

    But God revealed.. I was not being Pathetic to my mom

    I resented mom for guilting me to guilt dad

    I subconsciously internalized at I will not be like my mom to guilt any one to WANT to be with me

    It consciously, outwardly, in relationships showed

    I buried the guilt under category of dismissing dad for leaving the family

    But God revealed.. I did resent and have anger toward dad

    “If he does not want to be here, let him go. Do not force him”

    God revealed how I felt

    About feeling

    Good enough

    How much I was forced to do anything. go somewhere. eat. play

    How I did not feel like I had a choice to do anything

    How much anyone wanted to actually do things with me

    Nothing I did on my own got accolades

    Only things done with other people

    So nothing was worth doing on my own

    It only had value if other people were there to provide value

    Yet I was alone a lot

    So none of it had value

    I have so many gaps of memories as a child

    Memories of love

  • Stepping into me

    20251114

    Up at 5 but only inhaling fresh air

    Brush, moisturized, tuned moisturizing, fiber

    The Chosen Season 2 episode 4 study guide

    Conversation of laws with M.Dat

    Conversation of job with Traymany

    Bible of the verse rings

    Isaiah 25:1 
    Oh Lord, I will honor and praise your name, for you are my God. You do such wonderful things! You planned them long ago and now you have accomplished them

    I was explaining to Annie that I am a morning person now and am stepping into who I maybe was before

    Echoing my conversation with Xochi yesterday at lunch

    Echoing what I said to Sendy before:

    If I had this kind of confidence in myself when we first were in a relationship, we would be married by now

    That is not possible though

    It was not in God’s plan

    I had to discover me

    Through trials and tribulations

    Of a tough relationship

    Where I learned what unconditional love is

    It is painful

    It is what I needed to learn

    Great love can only be understood

    With great pain

    Continuing the chosen study on page 79

    2 Corinthians 5:17 
    Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come