20260113
4:15 excited for the 5 am joy so I inhaled up immediately
Recently back into rhythm of routine
Disappointed I did not have enough worship wake bake dancing time before the joy of seeing sunrise yesterday
I talked with DatMike last night for 3 hours
I felt over shared Mary’s situation
The responses and questions from DatMike
Made me feel like I was misrepresenting her spirit
I found myself defending her honor
(new to recognizing the sensation)
**snatched step into memory reenactment
Recall every sensory Feeling
Time travel
**
That I muddied up to begin with
**snatched graced with grace
Shame of over sharing story released
By praying for guidance
By replaying the story to God
And pleading my case
The Accuser’s statement
Should not have brought her up at all
My plead statement
It was natural/organic
It was on topic
It had a purpose of representing how I felt
It was a fact
It was in a safe space
It was confided in safe company
**
Distant indistinguishable echoes of Job’s bad friends’ advice
I was defensive already from conversation
Because of my holiday choice
And opinion/advice given
**snatched deny an itch
To know flesh vessel denial
To know flesh vessel rebellion
Recognize desires/urges to engage in physical activities (the instance that borned this thought: hunger for pizza and social acceptance at Japan planning session) that I confidently know the consequences (LP, risky barking spiders, social implications, stewardship of time)
Deny a thought of a red apple
Deny a thought of stubbing your toe
To know mind denial
To know mind rebellion
Recognize forgetfulness
Recognize derailing trains of thoughts
Recognize replaying fears
Recognize replaying of anger
To know your heart
***snatched raised by Family Matters
I was urkel…
Urked family
Who were who matter
An orphan
To the main characters
*iv*snatched snddng is who you are
Get up and walk
Wake up to the present
You merely forgot how to walk
You may not feel different
Like when you earned your driver’s license (mind/flesh)
And how it is a life changing identity
Capable logic and body
Find the heart/spirit of change
When you realize getting a driver’s license is difficult for other people because it is a privilege (age, study, sports, anxiety, cost, availability)
Nothing about the license has changed except your perception of it
It forms the perspective of the mind and flesh (comparison, envy, superiority, peace, joy)
Makes you feel either uplifted or downcast
You make it part of your identity
Why license Joy here now
Why appreciate what you have when you have it
Imagine given 10k and a jet ticket to your dream vacation
Taxied to the best restaurant
Taxied to your most luxurious (appropriate) entertainment
Imagine you ran out of money
How do you get around?
Driver’s license seems less of your idenity
Do you want to …be healed…I mean go back home?
How do you get back?
To the restaurant?
To the jet?
Imagine you woke up in the middle of the night confused and forgot you were traveling
Imagine you were sitting there now and suddenly realized you forgot how to stand up
Your mind and body can be fooled
Your heart will bring you home
Recognize current reality
You are not being hypnotized
You are not being sways by the waves and currents of the world
So long as your home bears spiritual fruits
Remember who you are
Remember who I am
Jsnkhnglm
Johnson Khuong Lam
And I thank
YHWH
*iv*
Moms sarcastically admonishes (heart voice)
Big brotherly advice (heart voice)
Sisters annoyed of mere presence (mind voice)
Infrequent aunty more often than not pleasantly welcoming (heart voice)
Other friends fit in better (mind voice)
Father was missing from my thoughts (missing heart voice)
Until I met my Heavenly father
***
Deny what brings your joy now
To know how your heart rebels
And recognize how you remember
Remember God
Remember Jesus
Remember Holy Spirit